An Image of Myself

I asked God to show me an image of myself.

Unsure what to expect, I closed my eyes and focused all my attention on one long deep breath.

Calmness…

Silence…

Emptiness…

Nothing…

What can come from nothing? Would I even receive an image? God doesn’t work on MY terms!

God, show me an image of myself…

I linked this mantra with slow deep breaths and resolved to find comfort in the silence. To sit, relaxed, empty and content, and simply wait unexpectantly…

The first image that popped into my head was unremarkable. A photo of myself I’d been recently thinking about. I continued to view it absently in my mind, but unimpressed, it inspired no further thought or opinion. It was not a distraction to my mantra and breathing. It was just there.

Many minutes later other idle thoughts had come and gone, but this image remained. It became clear that this WAS the image I asked for, yet I still had no particular attachment to it. Was God playing a joke?

“You asked for an image? Here’s an image! Not what you wanted? Be more specific next time!”

Haha, very funny DAD! God is always playing stupid jokes like that. It’s really difficult to know when to take Him seriously. He seems to enjoy being completely unpredictable!

Anyway, my reflection was over and the image still didn’t make ANY sense whatsoever. It wasn’t until I tried to explain it to someone else that the pieces slowly came together.

“I saw a photo of myself I haven’t taken yet”, I explained. The depth of this statement was immediately apparent, and frankly rather shocking! There is a pause as the information slowly sinks in. I was sure this apparent depth must be an accident. I’d just spent 15 minutes looking at this photo in my mind. I knew there was nothing special about it!!

Maybe if I describe the image it will become apparent how insignificant it is:

It is a picture of me from the front. My upper torso. No clothes are visible. I’m leaning slightly forward, my face above my arms, which are wrapped across my chest. My hands reach all the way to my back and my fingers are hooked comfortably on my shoulder blades. It is an image I’ve often thought about, but I haven’t taken yet because I’d need someone’s help to set up the shot and take the photo.

More silence as this slowly gets digested. An unrealised artistic expression? Of me comfortably embracing myself? I take another deep breath as one by one everything slowly clicks into place…

So… in other words: I asked God to show me an image of myself, and I received an unremarkable image of me, just me, fully embracing myself, an unrealised expression of my true self… which I’ve thought about a LOT and clearly desire greatly, yet is only possible to achieve with the help of others…

I finally concede defeat.

“…*insert your favourite expletive here!!*… that IS deep!!”

I can almost hear the words of God. “Cool huh?! Didn’t see that one coming did ya!!”

Nice one DAAAAD!! You can’t win! He only lets me THINK I can for a split second just to screw with me before proving me wrong AGAIN!!

So anyway, after all that… What is God telling me?

I need to take this photo…

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